Holiday doesn't make me feel better, holiday makes me feel more sensitive, and holiday makes me thinking negatively. on twitter i say "i wish i could reverse the time, so i wouldn't regret like this." i don't know why, but suddenly a negative thinking comes to my mind "you can't survive in MHT, nggi! it's too hard for you! will you be a winner there? you're not smart, you're just an ugly and stupid girl who is very lucky can be accepted there."

sigh

I am totally in the worst mood now...

I can't tell everyone, especially my parents, it will make them disappointed

sigh

imagining

dying

I don't know where does that mind come. it ruins my holiday. all-day seems to be a bad day. i can't imagine, i am too scared. i don't know why can i be like this? it's not 100percents me! i am a barrel girl, i always think that i can do it!!

oh Lord, please help me and please......let those bad minds go away from me. i am really miserable, and i can't concentrate to study and think positively. it seems like all of my dreams evaporate. nothing else i can do. "madesu" if i can tell it using bahasa.

sigh *for umpteenth time*

i know what must i do but I'm still not sure of it. i don't know myself doesn't want to do it.

i know what must i say, what must i think....i know, but myself doesn't permit it.

AH jumbled!

sigh

it's better if i don't think about it

it's better if i think the happy ending of my high school

it's better if i enjoy my holiday

it's better if i sleep

it's better if i go

it's better if i die *sigh* no no...i don't want to die *it's just another unmeaning joke*

it's better if i surrender it all to Jesus

and it will be better if myself wants to cooperate with my soul~

sigh

unmeaning entry right? that's my mind, my heart, my feeling. unmeaning and abstract.

i feel 100percent not fine. i am sure!

i need....my mom. i need her!